Lamenting my situation and circumstances in life seems counterproductive to me. But I know that’s because I can be tempted to linger on the downs and the lamenting side instead of looking towards the hope that I know is there but I am consciously blind to.

Let’s be honest, no one found the seemingly endless lockdowns or restrictions or covid or anything related to the pandemic easy.
I distinctly remember a moment around the first two weeks of being told we were entering lockdown where it dawned on me that this whole covid-thing was actually quite serious. It hit me quite soon after I had been told to shield, I found myself slipping into a mindset of confusion and despair. So I wrote myself a reminder that I needed in that time and still refer back to, that maybe you also need. I’d like to say that I took some time out and I calmly sat down to write it, but keeping with the honesty side of things, it didn’t happen that way. And that’s okay too because I know that my Father can handle all of my emotions and all sides of me, He did create me after all.

Constant One
You are constant, you are consistent, You Are
Even when I don't see it, you are the constant
Even when I don't feel it, you are the constant
The constant in my life when I needed consistency
How wonderful it is to know I can rely upon the I Am when I don't know who I am

The most prevalent thought when I read this poem back over is that, though I had to shield from others, I didn't (and still don’t) need to shield myself from God. He sees it all, saw it all, and still decides every day to stick by me.