I always have two Christmas lists, the long read, and the TLDR summary. The main difference between the two is that the summary has all the unrealistic stuff taken out and replaced. Essentially, I’ve got my Jesus list and my Santa list. The obvious differences between Jesus and Santa: Jesus had no naughty list, His present is eternal salvation instead of an Xbox, and His outfit was not so gaudy. The obvious similarities: beards, a penchant for giving good gifts, and we ask them both for lists of stuff. There are things I can ask Jesus for that I can’t ask my family for, and vise versa. So here they are, the long and the short. Merry Christmas.

Dear Jesus,
I’d really love to wake up on Christmas day at my mother’s house. I’d love to walk downstairs in the quiet of the morning and find her at the table eating toast. I’d love to stroll down Brighton beach, a wintery sun warming my face. I’d love to feel the Christmas spirit, your spirit, filling me with a renewed sense of self, a renewed understanding of what joy feels like.
I’d love to make a plan without the expectation that it will have to change. I’d love to make a promise with not only the intent of keeping it, but the means. I’d love to feel joy without the accompanying sense that all good things come to an end. I’d love to laugh with the naivety of my youth, and smile with the wisdom of the past two years.
I’d love to touch the people I love, I’d love to kiss their faces and wipe their tears. I’d love to have my face kissed, and my tears wiped. I’d love to share a moment. I’d love to experience true happiness without the fear of impending grief. I’d love to experience true grief without the guilt of once feeling happy.
I’d love to feel motivated to create for the sake of creating, to love for the sake of loving. I’d love to rediscover my authentic self and have the strength to not critique them. I’d love to have the courage to make art and not monetise it. I’d love to tell my story and have it help those who need it.
I’d love to have my faith completely redesigned. I’d love to understand. I’d love to see you, to hear from you, to feel your presence. I’d love to love looking forward, instead of desperately looking back...

Dear Santa,
I’d love to spend this Christmas with my family.

From Indy.

P.s also one of those teddy bears you put in the microwave.