Dear Me, Love Indy

written on 07 May 2021 by Indy Hollway

Trigger Warning: This piece mentions suicide. If this is something that makes you feel uncomfortable, please read cautiously.


07/05/2021

Darling India,

They’ve done it! They’ve finally invented a way to send letters not just through space, but also through time! It’s a modern day miracle. (That’s a joke, we are actually doing something called ‘self-reflection’ which is kind of painful, but very good for you, like eating cabbage). Anyway, hi, I’m you but from the future, writing to you to tell you that you indeed have a future, and it is a beautiful one.

I know what’s going through your mind, it also went through mine. You’re in a lot of pain, physically and mentally; you don’t understand the world or where you fit in it. You’re wondering whether your life is a mistake. Little one, I would do anything to give you just a taste of the joy that is yet to come. The sadness continues. It gets worse, actually. But you develop an ability to find joy, beauty, and wonder in everything around you.

Man, this is going to really turn you off but we love Jesus now. So cheesy, so ‘classic’ that I’m like ‘the light at the end of the tunnel is Jesus’ but actually, it’s just true. Your relationship with God will completely turn your life around because you will stop blaming yourself for everything that’s wrong in the world. I know you, I know that learning about the butterfly effect at school made you feel guilty for tsunamis halfway across the globe, I know that you feel personally responsible for every wandering soul you come across, I know that you blame yourself for things that cannot possibly have been caused by you. The greatest thing Jesus does for us is He takes that away.

I’m not here to evangelise you because I already know that’s what is in store for you. I’m here to tell you not to give up. I’m here to tell you that those pills you’ve been stockpiling will not solve your problems. I’m here to tell you that you are strong enough to carry on and that you will achieve great and wonderful things. No, you won’t achieve all of your dreams, your dreams will change to fit you better. You won’t become a broadway star or a famous playwright (at least not yet), but you will wear bright clashing colours, you will speak up for yourself and others, and you will one day see Patrick Stewart in the flesh.

Most important of all, there will come a day when you are cycling through Amsterdam (that’s in the Netherlands), wind in your hair, sun on your cheeks, and you will feel an overwhelming sense of love for your past self. I have spent years learning to love you, and it gives me great joy and happiness to know that one day you will see yourself as I see you: strong, passionate, and colourful. All the things that seem insurmountable right now, you get through them, you grow past them. New problems will arise, we live in a broken world filled with pain and spite, but you will learn to put on the full armour of God, to trust the friends He has put in your life, and to love who He is leading you to be.

Keep your head up.

Love, Indy (we go by Indy now, it’s much cooler).

P.s

- A movie called Frozen will come out in cinema and you will be reluctant to go, and it will seem like your mum is forcing you, but it is the best thing she ever does for you, and you will forever be happy that you first watched it with her (even if it is at the kids showing).

- A movie called Frozen 2 will later come out and you will be reluctant to watch it because you loved Frozen so much, but please watch it asap.

- A movie called Frozen 3… jokes.